5 Ways to Practice Reflexivity Without Getting Stuck in Self-Doubt

The pen hovered over the page. My water sat beside me. I had opened my journal to work through a tension I’d been feeling in my work, but the longer I wrote, the tighter my chest felt. What began as an honest check-in had become a spiral.

My questions, at first, were good ones:

• How do my identities shape this work?

• Am I causing harm without realizing it?

• Is this mine to lead?

But somewhere along the way, they multiplied like quicksand thoughts. My once-clear reflections now pulled me under.

And then, sitting there with my half-finished sentence, I realized something: This isn’t reflexivity anymore. This is self-doubt wearing reflexivity’s clothes.

That was my five-second moment.

The Lie We Fall For

Reflexivity is essential for purpose-driven work. It keeps us honest, helps us make ethical choices, and deepens the integrity of what we create. But here’s the trap: when we confuse reflexivity with self-criticism, we lose the point entirely.

Self-doubt says: You’re probably doing it wrong.
Reflexivity says: Let’s look closely and stay aligned.

I’ve seen this confusion everywhere—especially among thoughtful, justice-oriented people, or those healing from systems that have undermined their worth. We’re used to second-guessing ourselves, so when reflection invites hard questions, we sometimes turn that invitation into an interrogation.

What Helps Me Pull Back

That morning, I closed my journal and asked myself one grounding question: What would reflexivity look like if I believed I was already worthy?

Here’s what I’ve learned since:

1. Treat Reflexivity as Practice, Not Performance
   You’re not here to get the “right” answer—you’re here to keep the conversation with yourself open.

2. Listen to Your Body
   Constriction, fog, shame? That’s self-doubt. A grounded pause, even if uncomfortable? That’s reflexivity.

3. Separate Guilt from Accountability
   Guilt says I’m bad. Accountability says I can do better. Only one of these will move you forward.

4. Put Boundaries on Reflection
   Set a timer. Call a peer. Don’t let the work of reflection turn into a full-time job that blocks action.

5. Make It Relational
   Reflexivity doesn’t mean you figure it all out alone. Ask for perspectives. Invite in truth-telling with compassion.

That day at my desk, the truth I landed on was this: Reflexivity is about staying grounded, not proving your worth. You can be in process without being “in trouble.” You can adjust without unravelling.

So here’s my question for you:

If you knew you were already enough, what would your reflection look like?

If this resonates, the next round of the Endarkened Narratives Lab begins in January. We’ll explore how to anchor your work in integrity while letting go of the self-doubt that keeps you from fully showing up.